Fresh! Hot!

IT'S ABOUT TIME!

CNN is reporting that the US and France have agreed to a draft UN resolution to end the fighting between Hezbollah and Israel. What took them so long? Not enough death and destruction?

Has anybody heard any reports that the US government has called for a cease fire, aside from the pending UN resolution? The last I heard, we were saying something to the effect that we respected Israel's right to defend itself.

Yield Sign

Sometimes nature has a way of slowing you down when you need it. My weekend plans might be on hold because I'm exhausted. I was fragmented at work yesterday. It was a bad hair day, and my face is kind of splotchy - I think I'm allergic to something. I fell asleep right after dinner, and I woke up a bit after midnight feeling generally lousy. Maybe I'll pack my husband off to the barbecue today. That would allow me to spend a quiet day at home alone. Reading, sipping tea, enjoying the garden - mmmm, sounds nice!

I'm going back to bed now. Maybe I'll feel different about it when I get up later this morning. Maybe I'll feel like baking a pie and heading out to a barbecue. Maybe.

Whoever thought we'd be glad for a forecast high temperature of 93 because it meant a cooler day? Remarkable!

We have a barbecue with friends on tap for this weekend. Yet another barbecue! I'm thankful for the end of each summer because I'm ready to forswear barbecues for awhile. It should be a balmy 87 degrees this time around. I know that's a vast improvement over the 97 degree temperatures we've had for the last several days, but I've never been one to sit out in the sun (I burn, blister, peel and freckle, but I don't really tan), so 87 sounds high to me. I'll find a shady spot, and I'll pack plenty of sunscreen.

I have managed to take the edge off of my glow-in-the-dark skin with Jergens Natural Glow Lotion. While I wouldn't qualify as tan by most people's standards, at least I won't be guiding ships into harbor when I go to the beach.

In spite of the type of gathering, I'm looking forward to seeing my friends. This is an annual event with a group of guys my husband has known since childhood and their wives. Of course, that means we're going to hear about their youthful exploits all over again. I seriously don't know how these guys made it to adulthood without death, dismemberment or incarceration. We'll hear the same highlights and the same squabbles over details we hear every time this group is together (several times a year). That's OK. The ladies can withdraw to another table to discuss modern history.

I've been asked to make a sour cream apple pie for the affair, and I will oblige. I'm glad all over again for the lower temperatures, since running the oven in the extreme heat is not my idea of a good time! Yes, we have air conditioning, but, still, the idea baking anything when it's close to 100 degrees outside is anathema to me.

So, what's on for your weekend? Anybody have super plans to make the rest of us jealous? Right now, I'd probably be most envious of the person who said they were going to stay home and read a good book!

In Her Element

Zelda at Garden of Eden posted about the allure of rain today. I love the rain. I don't mind getting wet, and I love the rhythm and freshness of it.

My favorite element, however, is wind. I love a strong, steady wind that washes over me. In Ireland, we visited Inis Mor on a windy day. The ferry ride to this island off of the coast of Galway was rough, what with the troubled waves of Galway Bay and the powerful winds that came with the day. We climbed Dun Aengus and stood atop a cliff, looking out over the Atlantic Ocean with no walls no fences no guards to interfere with the view, all in the wild, wild wind. One does not go quite to the cliff's edge on Dun Aengus; to do so could be quite perilous.

Maybe I connected with my Celtic heritage while I was there. Inis Mor is a hard, bleak place, with a rugged, determined beauty. I imagine in that place a Celtic maiden of a century past, with a hard life and few pleasures. A powerful wind would seem like a portent, like a god bearing strength and power. No wonder the Holy Spirit is compared to a mighty wind.

I imagine my maiden standing near the edge of that cliff, a dangerous, exciting place to be. The deep teal of the roiling waves below match her Irish eyes. The wind assails her, enveloping her while passing over her and through her, eliciting exhilaration to her very core. Alone on that cliff she would turn her face to the sky, lift her hands palm first into the air, and let wave upon marvelous wave of wind flood her senses, commune with her soul.

I must confess that in unguarded moments I am that maiden. I cannot help myself, I must turn my eyes to the sky, open my arms to the wind. The wind releases me, blows the dust from every forgotten corner of my neglected spirit and sets my restored essence free.

We've lost our connection with the elements, and we are embarrassed to speak of our reactions to them. What a waste, what a shame. Rather, we seek sophisticated pleasures and unnatural highs, things that serve to divorce us from the boldness of the wind and the cleansing of the rain. It is good to set contrived indulgences aside from time to time to allow elemental delights to take hold once again.

8/1

August 1st already, and September will be here before you know it. Big changes are coming over the next several months. Some of my very best friends at work will be moving to a different office soon, leaving Zelda and me outnumbered in the lunchtime melee (it can truly be an uncomfortable situation) at our office. Zelda, maybe we will have to seek out an alternative lunch site.

A massive reorganization of our services is on tap for this fall, and the entire office is expected to change locations late in the year. The reorganization will probably leave me with a change of supervisor (boo), making life much more complicated. The move will put me closer to home, which is a good thing, but I'm not so sure that the new location will be as convenient for running errands on lunch break and that sort of thing.

I'm relatively philosophical about most of the changes (though I'll really miss a couple of friends). We will adapt, and the new situations will become normal to us once we establish new patterns. I'm a little bit concerned about the possible layout of the new office, since the folks in nearby cubicles (dratted world of Dilbert that we work in) have a huge impact on the quality of your workday. Oh, well, plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose is especially true in bureaucracies.

Antidote

Here's a little antidote for the extreme temperatures we're experiencing right now. This photo was taken in September of 2004. It is a picture of a section of the Hubbard Glacier in Yakutat, Alaska. Wish I was there now!

Mercy!

Tonight is surely the buggiest night since prehistory, nay, since the dawn of time. It is in my backyard, at any rate.

I just took the oldest hound out for her evening constitutional. She can't see anymore, and she can't navigate the two steps from the door to the ground, so I must carry her out into the yard. I can officially report that all of the insects have left the woods tonight to congregate on my back door. It's a veritable bugs' ball out there, and the toad patrol is missing in action once again! Not that they'd be very effective at climbing the door to get to these big bugs, but any help would be appreciated. I suspect the toads have been overwhelmed and carried away by the masses of giant insects creeping and flying around out there. I had to use a broom to sweep off the door before I could open it to come back into the house. The other dog had to go out, too, but he was on his own. I sent him out unescorted. He can make it down the steps on his own, so no way in tarnation was I going out there with him.

In spite of loving nature and the woods, I am an insufferable coward when it comes to most insects. I love my dragonflies and lady beetles, and I can tolerate most other creepy crawlies when they keep their distance. When they invade my space, I cry for mercy. I hope I didn't wake the neighbors.

If it were not for the potential for insect invasion, I could probably live alone in contentment. As it stands, if I lived by myself, I'd probably be found mummified in a corner some day, kept at bay by an errant wasp or spider. So now you know the quality I value most in a man: the ability to efficiently and effectively eliminate any and all insect visitors from the household as soon as my first scream for help is issued. A willingness to handle all outside tasks (like taking the dogs out) on buggy nights is a highly desired optional feature (one that wasn't functional tonight). Quite the job description, no?

What Women Want

Pax Romano posted today about Mel Gibson’s most recent public relations SNAFU. Mr. Gibson was arrested for driving while intoxicated. While in the process of being arrested, he is alleged to have made anti-Semitic and sexist statements.

I might not be able to speak for all women, but I know what I find sexy. This isn’t it. I confess to having skipped a few heartbeats for Mel back in his Lethal Weapon days, but sorry behavior and small-mindedness are too ugly to be outweighed by a pair of pretty blue eyes. While I believe in forgiveness (he has apologized), it’s hard to make a fallen sex symbol sexy again.

I am fortunate to know several good, kind and intelligent men. I think it’s the blessing of middle age to be able to see into a beautiful heart and love it. The wrapper is appealing because what’s inside is so attractive.

The title of this post is What Women Want. Well, to me, the most attractive things a man can possess are an intelligent mind, an interest in the world, and a willingness to consider his companion’s ideas while sharing his own. Discussions of religion, politics, travel, literature and world events are far more intriguing than flexed muscles, and a kind heart trumps everything, at least in Merci’s world!

Everybody Needs a Little Time Away

I'm in a frame of mind where I could use some down time - time to think, rest, and just be. I can't do it right now, since my Mom is here, and we have a family event this weekend. Next weekend there's an annual barbecue with friends to attend, so it won't happen then, either. Maybe I can manage an early trip to the beach one Sunday for an hour or so alone.

I'd love a real getaway - a couple of days in a quiet, beautiful place. It would be difficult to arrange an escape at this time of year without a bit of travel, since we're at the height of the tourist season, and I can't think of anyplace to go that isn't teeming with humanity. During the off season, I could probably find a quiet little B&B somewhere.

Where do you go and what do you do when you need some time alone?

Tended

Like a lover
Who comes
Late in life
Midsummer
Rouses
In my garden
Latent treasure
And elicits

In rich measure
Fiery blossoms,

Fervid pleasure

-merci

Too Stupid

Without going into great detail, I did a lot of stupid things today, some just ordinary stupid and some, well, a bit more so. Stupid does more to make you cringe, to mar your self-image, that just about anything else. The only thing that's worse than stupid is mean. I don't think I did anything out and out mean today, so there's that.

My very kind boss has already forgiven one glaring error. I guess the only thing left to do is to turn around, show up tomorrow, and be less stupid, errrrr, be brilliant, yeah, that's the ticket! Sounds like a plan. Let's see how it goes...

Spiced

Funny how your tastes change when you cut out junk food. I rarely crave sweets anymore, though I still must have a piece of chocolate from time to time. A small amount is supremely satisfying to me now.

I still want pizza about once a week – some things will never change. I have no real desire for pasta, though I still love a good sandwich. Soups and salads taste marvelous to me, and there are a lot of good diet soda options these days.

My biggest potential downfall right now is tortilla chips and salsa. I struggle to keep myself from eating the whole basket. In fact, Mexican food in general is nearly irresistible to me. There is one Mexican restaurant near my office where they serve a marvelous chicken in mole sauce. Hmmm, might have to sneak off for lunch one day this week. If I don’t eat the chips, and keep the rice to a minimum, it might not be such a terrible lapse for me.

I’ve developed the oddest taste for hot peppers. I’m not usually crazy about very spicy foods, though I do remember many summers ago having been on a Big-T cheesesteak-with-hot-peppers kick. If memory serves, I was even eating hoagies with hot peppers at the time. But now I seem to want to nibble on plain pepperoncini, which would have been unimaginable to me in the past. I’ve even packed a couple in my lunch for tomorrow. Fortunately, peppers are very low in calories, and they’re fat free, so why not?

Come to think of it, a cheesesteak with hot peppers would be a tasty diet break sometime soon. I think I’ll allow myself one or the other (cheesesteak with hot peppers or chicken with mole sauce) this week. I might have to hold out on the cheesesteak until I can find a companion for a road trip to Philly. I must confess that I have never had an actual Philly cheesesteak. I know, I know – I grew up right over the bridge from the City of Brotherly Love, and I’ve never consumed their most famous product. I must make amends soon.

Of course, I work in a town with an extensive Italian population and many good Italian restaurants. I have to guess that I will be able to find a respectable cheesesteak with hot peppers for lunch if I look hard enough!

So, cheesesteak or chicken mole. Anyone want to join me?

Post Party Blues

So who was up 6:30 this morning, in spite of not having gone to bed until 4:00 am? Moi, of course, because those silly hounds of mine were demanding an audience. I must bow to the Truth In Blogging Act, and pause to confess that I did manage an hour or two of sleep earlier in the night, albeit on the couch, wrapped aroud one of said hounds.

I now find myself nodding off as I type, so I think I shall once again retire. Sweet dreams, all. Stop by for leftovers later, 'kay?

Day Off

Yep, those would be pink camo garden gloves. Pretty cool, huh? One of the many things I plan to do today is a bit of gardening. Later. When it's cooler. Much cooler, I hope!

And there's lots more cleaning to do, and a pie to bake, and laundry to do...It's a busy day off!

Gotta love it.

Landslide

I've been listening to Fleetwood Mac in the car on the way to and from work this week. One song in particular really strikes a chord with me lately. It's Landslide, written and performed by Stevie Nicks. Here are the words:

Landslide
Written by S. Nicks

I took my love, I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'Til the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too
Oh, I'm getting older, too

Oh, take my love, take it down
Oh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills...
Well, the landslide will bring it down
Oh, the landslide'll bring it down

For anyone who is not familiar with this song, Stevie Nicks sings is slowly, deeply, wistfully...all in that amazing voice of hers. I'm not sure why this song resonates within me right now. Might bear some exploring.

A friend who used to correspond with me wrote out the following lyrics in one of his letters as a description of the way he saw love. We were high-school aged at the time, and he was not the type of guy (football player, cuter than anything, with a sexy, hoarse voice) you'd expect to think so deeply about relationships. Maybe women start off on the wrong foot at a young age, seeing men as one-dimensional when it comes to love. If we bought into the battle-of-the-sexes humor about men, we could see them as incapable of love. I guess my friend showed me at a young age just how wrong that would be. I have to remind myself of the lesson from time to time. Anyway, here are the lyrics in question:

You're My Home
by Billy Joel

When you look into my eyes
And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul
It always comes as a surprise
When I feel my withered roots begin to grow

Well, I never had a place that I could call my very own
But that's alright my love,
'Cause your my home

When you touch my weary head
And you tell me ev'rything will be alright
You say use my body for your bed
And my love will keep you warm throughout the night

Well, I'll never be a stranger
And I'll never be alone
Where ever we're together that's my home

Home can be the Pennsylvania Turnpike
Indiana's early morning dew
High up in the hills of California
Home is just another word for you

If I travel all my life
And I never get to stop and settle down
Long as I have you by my side
There's a roof above and good walls all around
You're my castle, you're my cabin and my instant pleasure dome
I need you in my house 'cause you're my home

Why quote these two songs in the same post? I like the juxtaposition of Stevie's song about change against Billy's song about constancy. I can't decide if Stevie's song is about change within the context of her love or change at the cost of her love. Is the landslide taking down her childish self or taking down the love?

So what do you think? Is change the only constant, or can love be constant as well?

Not To Be Missed

If you read just one more post at one more blog today, make it One Minute to Midnight over at Joe T.'s Freudian Slips. It's powerfully written and it's well-edited. I admire the craftsmanship as much as I appreciate the content.

Another Day

I remember someone saying once that a friend is someone who gently leads you back to a sense of yourself. I don't remember who said it, but the words have stuck with me for many years. I just googled the quote, but I didn't get any hits. I did find another beautiful quote of a similar nature at thinkexist.com:

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”

I was about to say that I can't remember how long it's been since I had that kind of a friend, but, actually, I do remember. It's been 17 years, almost to the day. I had a very good friend whom I met at camp over the summer between 8th grade and high school. We were born less than a week apart, so we jokingly called each other, "Twin." She lived a couple of hours away, so we didn't get to see too much of each other during the school year. We loved to write long, girly letters back and forth. I never looked forward to getting mail so much in my life!

We applied to the same college. We were both accepted, but it was out of my league without more financial aid than they offered me, so I went elsewhere. We kept in touch, and we ended up working together back at camp (a one-week conference held each summer, not the camp I've mentioned in other posts).

She married shortly after graduation. I used to visit her for the weekend now and then, and she tried to fix me up with one of her friends. He was a nice guy, and we dated for awhile. He was heartbroken over a previous relationship, so it didn't work out. I met my husband, she disapproved, and we haven't spoken since. Just like that. One phone call, ending in a long silence, before hanging up and never speaking again.

Thing is, she was the one friend I've had who really knew me. Her song was pretty similar to mine, so I guess it was easy for us to keep each other in tune.

I was incredibly shy when I was younger, and sometimes it kept me from seeing that I had any value to my friends. That's not good. You have to know your importance to others in order to step up to the plate when they need a friend. You have to recognize that they need you. I should have told my Twin that I wouldn't accept the silence between us, and that she had to be at my wedding because we needed each other. We both would have grown through it.

It's hard to find that kind of friendship now - it's too late. Most people my age already have those friends, established long ago when baggy clothes and big hair were in style. No one I know now could tell you the first thing about who I was in 1987. Or 77 or 67. Well, my Mom could, but she's starting to get some of that stuff wrong. Even my sister and brother couldn't offer much insight.

So why does it matter so much to me today? I guess it's just that today was the kind of day when I could have used a very old, very dear friend to make me snap out of it. Don't know if it's just the blues (I honestly don't get them too often), or a new wrinkle on my mighty-fine mid-life crisis, or hormones with a capital H. Today I feel truly insignificant and unaccomplished, and, more than anything, foolish. I feel like a royal PITA. I tried to just shut up at work and not bother anyone.

Ironically, I found myself supremely annoyed by some of the people around me (if you're reading this, it wasn't you). I couldn't seem to get away from major annoyances. Maybe it was just projection (the attribution of one's own attitudes, feelings, or suppositions to others, per answers.com). In any event, I usually have better coping skills than I did today. I wanted to leave work, come home, hide under a blanket, have a good cry and sleep until tomorrow. I had a meeting this afternoon, so I couldn't do it.

I guess I just have a sense of loss today. Friendship lost, time lost, talent lost. Self lost - can't find the tune. Yeah, OK, a mid-life crisis. The Blues. Hormones with a capital H. Tomorrow will be better; I'll probably reread this and think, "How maudlin!" and unpost it. After all, tomorrow is another day...

Red Flower

I took a quiz over at blogthings.com to see what color flower I am. Here is the final result (oh my stars!):

You Are a Red Flower

A red flower tends to represent power, seduction, and desire. At times, you are loving like a red tulip. And at other times, you're very enthusiastic, like a bouvardia. And more than you wish, your passion is a bit overwhelming, like a red rose.

What Color Flower Are You?

Summer Entertaining

We had a wonderful time at Pax's soiree last night, and we're planning a little do of our own for next weekend. It'll be a casual affair, with cocktails and good food. We'll be inside and outside, whatever the moment brings (not to mention the weather). I've planned the gathering to start in the late afternoon/early evening, because there will be plenty of shade on the back deck by then. We're not going to barbecue because we really like the people we've invited, and we want to spend time with them! I plan to have all of the food prepared before the guests arrive, so that we may enjoy the party too.

I've been shopping and preparing, and, true to my sorry nature, I'm beginning to panic just a little. Help me out, if you don't mind! What are the essential ingredients to a good party, in your opinion? Do you have any suggestions for easy entertaining and food preparation? Any secret recipes that drive your guests wild? Is there anything that I must not forget to do/serve/provide/prepare?

Any and all suggestions will be greatly appreciated. If you're in the neighborhood, stop on by!