Saturday, June 24, 2006

Snicker Doodles

Thanks to Miss Magnolia, I can once again smell something like fresh baked Snicker Doodles cookies. My vintage bottle of Eau Fresh by Jovan (discontinued) arrived in the mail this week. I am happy to report that it was sent promptly, was received in good condition, and it smells divine. I've already bid on another bottle - wish me luck!

Thank you, Miss Magnolia, for helping me to reconnect with the essence of my past!

Thursday, June 22, 2006


I remember idyllic summers spent working at camp. I recall surroundings full of natural beauty. Acres of woodlands led to a bluff, which dropped off to a wide-pathed river, and the river flowed on to the Chesapeake Bay. I wandered those woods alone sometimes, confident in their safety. I loved to sit on the edge of the bluff, day or night, watching distant ships and sailboats navigate the river - commerce and pleasure mingling on the waterway. The night sky was worthy of every romantic description you've ever heard: the stars were diamonds sparkling against deep blue velvet; breathtaking in number; close enough to pluck from the sky.

Sitting alone in such surroundings feeds the farthest reaches of my soul, quells its deepest longings for the moment. It brings a serenity so powerful and personal that it is difficult to discuss it with others, even friends and lovers, because it gives a glimpse of my elemental, unencumbered, unguarded, unfettered self. I don't like to show that side of myself to others very often; it's too vulnerable, and I don't trust enough. So many people seem to have lost the capacity for this deep pleasure, and showing the face of it to someone who cannot understand can take it from pleasure to humiliation.

I have neglected this primal core all too readily as I have aged. I can count (and describe in detail) the few times I've felt this way in the last half-dozen years. It seems that it has become harder and harder to find a spot which allows for withdrawal from the goings-on of mankind. I was so rich back then, living in an open-air cabin, with no electricity or running water. I had a rickety dresser full of shorts and t-shirts and sweats, and a pair or two of flip-flops and sneakers. I had the same old dark brown sleeping bag I'd used since second grade. My prized possessions were a battery-powered lantern, a notebook and a camp sweatshirt. But I lived for the span of each summer on a spot any billionaire would have been proud to own, and it allowed for privacy, which is the greatest luxury of all in our teeming world.

I don't know whether or not it's possible to share such a moment with someone else. I have not. Having another person present seems to take me out of the elemental world. I become aware of myself, less free to be open.

Well, enought of this serious stuff. It's making Jane a Dull Girl. X my heart, next post will be in a lighter vein. Count on it!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

June Bug

Photo from

I've got the June bug right now. A co-worker mentioned to me today that her cousin taught at my high school while I was a student there. I had to pull out my yearbooks to look for him, which sent me on a trip down memory lane.

Today is the anniversary of my high school graduation. I won't say which anniversary, of course, but June 20th is the day. I guess all of the June weddings and graduations pretty much ensure that it will be a month full of memories for most people.

When I walked away from the school grounds for the last time that day, I parted from some folks whom I had known almost all of my life, many of whom I have never seen again. In some ways, graduation was a knife that severed me from my childhood and the security of the well-known, setting me on a completely new and unfamiliar course in life.

One person I completely lost touch with was my friend Scott. Even though we went to different grade schools, Scott and I met in 3rd or 4th grade because of band. We were part of the same school district, and we were bussed to regional band practice every week. Scott and I became fast friends. We sat next to each other because we played the same instrument,which we considered to be quite lucky.

Scott gave me my first copy of Gone With the Wind, and he took me to see the movie for the first time. Actually, he gave me the book the night he took me to see the movie (his mom drove, we were that young). Sound romantic? Nah - just friends. Our timing was really rotten. When one of us would be smitten, the other would be engaged elsewhere, or just not interested.

Things kind of culminated in our Sophomore year of high school. Scott wrote me a romantic note and passed it to me in English class. I was completely unprepared for it at the time, and I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't have much experience in dealing with these things back then. Shucks, still don't!

I had an unexpected sense of betrayal. I felt like my brother had sent the note. To make matters worse, Scott had broken up with one of my best friends awhile before. Quite awhile before, actually, but I knew that she still hoped to win him back. It never happened, of course. I think I knew at the time that he had only dated her because I already had a boyfriend.

Scott was the friend I talked to on the phone until the wee hours on summer nights before my Frosh and Soph years. We talked about books and movies and all kinds of stuff, and we had the same group of friends. Scott grew up in the north, like me, but he would have made a perfect southern gentleman.

Anyway, long story short, our friendship was never the same. We still had some fun times after that, but the closeness was gone. I ran into Scott once in the mall after graduation. I was so glad to see him, but he seemed a bit tense, and far too serious for my jovial, outgoing buddy of the past. I've never seen him since, though I believe he has been involved in some local theater not far from our stomping grounds. He was quite the thespian when we were in high school. Scott had a gift for musical comedy, and he was excellent as the king in The Princess and the Pea.

Scott called me Polly (not anything like my real name), and he inscribed my yearbook that way. I nearly shed a tear when I read it tonight. I hope I see him again one day. We were kindred spirits then, and I'd like to think we still would be now.

Somehow my June Bug post has turned into the tale of one long lost friend. What's your June Bug tale?

Sunday, June 18, 2006


I'm in a pretty nice place in life right now. I seem to be getting a rejuvenating break from the ordinary. I feel well most of the time, thanks in part to improved diet and in part to treatment for my medical condition. I am more interested in going places and doing things, and I am happier.

My family is well, and Mom has recovered nicely from her cataract surgery. She can see from the left eye again, and she has new glasses on the way.

I am finally beginning to feel some degree of confidence about the new job responsibilities I took on 6 months ago. I really like my boss, though it's likely that he will supervise me for just a few more months. The Big Changes coming up toward the end of the year at work will add to my workload, and the supervisory structure for my area will change. Oh well, can't have everything.

I had a nice evening out with the girls last week (hey, Zelda and Mommanator). We had a great time over Southwestern food and ice cream. Well, in my case, almost ice cream. Sugar and fat free. It was pretty awful, and I only had a bite. But I digress.

I went to an all day training on Friday, which provided me with a rare opportunity to feel like a professional. The company was good, since a few of my favorite coworkers attended as well. Breakfast and lunch were provided, and there was a truly marvelous dessert at the end of the day. I only had 2 bites, but it was beyond description. Sensual. Chocolate raspberry mousse on a chocolate cookie crust, with chocolate ganache over the whole. As I said, sensual. A good chocolate dessert, especially one that includes raspberries, is beyond compare. It is BETTER THAN S...well, it's just better than anything.

I had a blast on Saturday night. We went to Scannicchio's in Atlantic City for a sumptuous meal with another couple. The cosmo before dinner was pretty good, too. Then we went on to The Quarter at the Trop, where we did a little barhopping (another cosmo at Cuba Libre, and a Magner's at Ri Ra). We had a designated driver, so all was well.

It was a great night to be at The Quarter, since there were lots of bachelorette parties underway. Nothing wild, just lots of truly beautiful girls wandering around. This kept the guys busy so that we (the ladies) could peek at the masculine eye candy available. Everything went right on Saturday, from getting a table at Scannichio's (when by rights we should not have been seated without a reservation) to getting seats for the ladies at both clubs.

I'm not much of a party girl, and I can get kind of uncomfortable in cities, but on Saturday night, I felt like I owned the place. I think we'll spend more time getting to know AC in the future. I've already bought tickets for a show later this summer. Now for our little secret: we left the city by 9:00. So what if we're earlybirds? We still had a great time, and we plan to go back soon.

I like the rythm of my life right now. A little work, a little play, and some time with friends. There's a lot going on this summer, which gives me hope that this little intermezzo of mine will turn into a complete renaissance.