Feeling Punchy

Big Bro took Mom to a very important appointment at a Philly hospital yesterday. Called Mom last night to check in. She told me that the appointment and testing took 2 hours (not including travel). The young man who started the testing introduced himself as Will. So Mom said to him, "Oh, is this your hospital?"

She was, of course, at Wills Eye Hospital.

OK, it's a groaner of a pun, but Mom is 81. Hope I can still pun like that at her age!

At A Glance

OK, so now I have the long drive to work each day - started it late last week. My route goes more or less over the river and through the woods. Or through the woods and through the woods, with a quick view of an occasional stream or lake thrown in.

There isn't a whole lot of traffic on my commute, but since the roads have only one lane in each direction, I can be slowed down or brought to a stop by a single lollygagging driver. It happens.

I pass by my share of flora and fauna along the way. I see sheep each day. I often see deer, and occasionally turkeys. Groundhogs pop up now and then, and the odd turtle crosses my path. I always feel sad about the dead things I pass. I never seem to become hardened to the sight.

One day last week I passed a beautiful raccoon, which was preparing to cross the street. He (I presume it was a he, for no good reason) waited for me to pass, and he hesitated again as a car came from the other direction. He crossed safely, thank goodness. His legs were ink-dipped, as was his mask. He wore a thick winter coat, with a ruff to rival a lion's around his neck. He was remarkable, even at a glance.

This morning I saw an older guy with a long, white, mountain-man beard, dressed in a barn jacket with big, bold, black and red checks on it. He was by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. He was digging a tiny hole with a short, narrow shovel - the width of those used by electricians to dig trenches. I can't see any logical reason for someone to be digging a hole in this particular spot, but I'm sure he knew what he was doing.

I wish that I could have stopped to observe for awhile, or could have driven by again a few minutes later, but I had to press on. I'd love to know why he was digging. Was he a modern-day pirate digging for a lost cache of treasure? Hoping to transplant a scrub pine into his garden at home? Taking soil samples for a scientific study? Who knows. Just another vignette seen at a glance on my way to work. At least the drive has its compensations.

I Wanna Be a Drama Queen

Just for a day. I'd like to play Garbo- "I want to be alone." Yes, I know, she didn't actually say it. But it sounds like something she would say, and I want to say it too.

I want to be Katherine Hepburn, confident and in control. Or Claudette Colbert with traffic-stopping gams and ladylike independence. How about Greer Garson with her low British accent, or Irene Dunne, adept at comedy and drama alike?

How about taking a day from the life of Grace Kelly (pre-Grimaldi), sleek and oh-so-blonde? Or Myrna Loy, solving crimes as Nora Charles?

The list of favorites goes on: Judy Garland, Bette Davis, Dorothy McGuire, Lauren Bacall, Maureen O'Hara, Barbara Stanwyck, and Ginger Rogers (who really was quite a good actress, aside from all of the dancing - see Kitty Foyle sometime, if you don't believe me).

OK, so I don't really want to be them. I guess I'd just like a day outside of myself. Maybe I need an afternoon at the movies, or a day alone with a good book. I'll have to set some time aside soon.

Missing Monday

David was last seen in Milltown, NJ on September 30, 2005. He left a note to his family about a vehicle he was suppose to pick up in New Brunswick, NJ. David never picked up the vehicle and has not been heard from.

David does have 5 scars on his head beneath his hair.

Any further information, please contact Milltown Police Department at #732-828-1100 or NJSP Missing Persons Unit at #800-709-7090.

Recipe for a Happy New Year's Eve

Take a comfortable old married couple. Dress them in jammies and seat them before the TV in a garage-recently-converted-to-a-family-room (a symbol of accomplishment for the year past). Place a Frosty the Chocoholic Snowman in one hand of each, and a bowl of nachos between them. Add a sleeping hound on either end of the comfortably reclining love seat. Tune in one classic movie OnDemand. Pour champagne at midnight and garnish with a kiss.

The above recipe may be served as a fitting denoument to a challenging year, and as a fine appetizer for a spectacular year to come.

Merci's Message

When I was a kid, my mom often bought the tabloids to read the predictions of the so-called psychics for the coming year. In that spirit, I offer my vision of 2006 below:

1. At the Anonymous Government Office (AGO) populated by so many well-known bloggers, the words, “South Beach,” “diet,” “calories,” and “carbs,” will be uttered with unprecedented frequency and intensity during the month of January.

2. In Virginia, there is a Gal who will meet her soul mate under unexpected circumstances. Marriage plans will be under way by New Year’s Day 2007 for this romantic, jet-setting couple.

3. Pax Romano will become the host of popular daytime talk show, featuring scintillating commentary on such topics as pop culture, politics, celebrity and celebrities.

4. Zelda Parker will tire of the paper chase and launch an upscale gardening service. A prominent gardening magazine will feature (in full, glossy Technicolor) a layout of her garden designs for Southern New Jersey McMansions and upscale Philadelphia courtyards. A contract for a cable gardening show will be under discussion by the end of the year.

5. Joe T. will pen and publish a bestseller based on his adventures in social work. As a direct result of the book’s success, he will be tapped by the Commissioner to become the driving force behind The Governor’s Task Force for Change in Social Service Delivery.

6. Mr. Merci will grow restless as spring approaches and disavow previous threats to, “Hang ‘em up.” In other words, he’ll sign on for another year of baseball with the USOTB.

7. Scandal and cover-up at the White House will crescendo, causing the media to dub it, “The White-Wash House.”

8. A series of winter storms greater than those of the early 1990’s, followed by the first hurricane to strike the New Jersey coast in decades, will cause such damage at the Jersey Shore that 2006 will go down in local history as, “The year without tourists.” The shore economy will become dependent on local citizens, causing business plans and government policies to be redesigned in their favor.

9. A group of social workers from the AGO will hit it big in a Mega Millions drawing, creating a sudden surge in vacancies at said office.

10. The current plans for the relocation of the AGO will be scrapped. New plans for the move of the office to the outskirts of Utopia (the office could never be said to be in Utopia) will cause a stir amongst office personnel as the year draws to a close.

A review of the above prophecies is planned for Day One of 2007.