Sunday, July 30, 2006

Mercy!


Tonight is surely the buggiest night since prehistory, nay, since the dawn of time. It is in my backyard, at any rate.


I just took the oldest hound out for her evening constitutional. She can't see anymore, and she can't navigate the two steps from the door to the ground, so I must carry her out into the yard. I can officially report that all of the insects have left the woods tonight to congregate on my back door. It's a veritable bugs' ball out there, and the toad patrol is missing in action once again! Not that they'd be very effective at climbing the door to get to these big bugs, but any help would be appreciated. I suspect the toads have been overwhelmed and carried away by the masses of giant insects creeping and flying around out there. I had to use a broom to sweep off the door before I could open it to come back into the house. The other dog had to go out, too, but he was on his own. I sent him out unescorted. He can make it down the steps on his own, so no way in tarnation was I going out there with him.


In spite of loving nature and the woods, I am an insufferable coward when it comes to most insects. I love my dragonflies and lady beetles, and I can tolerate most other creepy crawlies when they keep their distance. When they invade my space, I cry for mercy. I hope I didn't wake the neighbors.


If it were not for the potential for insect invasion, I could probably live alone in contentment. As it stands, if I lived by myself, I'd probably be found mummified in a corner some day, kept at bay by an errant wasp or spider. So now you know the quality I value most in a man: the ability to efficiently and effectively eliminate any and all insect visitors from the household as soon as my first scream for help is issued. A willingness to handle all outside tasks (like taking the dogs out) on buggy nights is a highly desired optional feature (one that wasn't functional tonight). Quite the job description, no?

5 comments:

pissed off patricia said...

I sure do understand but when I take my dog out I have to watch out for large Cuban tree frogs leaping on me. They are up on the walls munching on bugs and then when I open the door to go out there it frightens them and they hop to the nearest place to land. Often times that my back or head. If I try to scoop them into my hand they pee on me. Not pleasant. Usually within seconds of realizing where they are, they hop off onto something else. Once that something else was my dog. He didn't even notice.

MissMagnoliaThunderpussy said...

Good God darlings, it sounds like you girls live in the Amazon or the Raid Forest. I detest bugs as well (with the exception of Lady Bugs, they're cute and good luck), they make my skin crawl, they're just unatural and creatures of the Devil, not God, they're also proof that God, unfortunatly, was not a woman.

Fear not, to combat the beasts, I recomend a pith helmet and 40 yards of tangerine chiffon veiling, practial and ever so chic!

Merci said...

POP-
I like frogs and toads, but not that much! We have these icky flying wood roaches that crop up for a couple of weeks each summer. I really screech when they land on me. I just sent my husband after a wasp in the bathroom (it got away), and a giant biting fly was waiting for me when I got home from work tonight (I evaded it).

Miss Magnolia-
The veiling isn't such a bad idea. I often wear a hoodie when I go out at night in deepest summer, no matter how hot it is out there!

Virginia Gal said...

ohh your poor dog - so sweet, you walk the dog outside.

Sorry to hear toad patrol has been overrun - who knows maybe they are busy making future reinforcements?
yes, men are good for getting bugs, my dad knows that all too well in a household of three women : - )

Merci said...

Virginia Gal-
There was some improvement last night, but there is some kind of ugly, huge flying beetle hanging around. I'm afraid it's going to land in my hair. Ick.